can't buy me love
From a handwritten contract signed recently by an anonymous couple, Mr. X and Ms. Y, in a hotel room in Japan. Mr. X and Ms. Y had been having an extramarital affair. Ms. Y wanted to stop seeing Mr. X and repair her relationship with her husband, but Mr. X wanted to divorce his wife and marry Ms. Y. When Ms. Y turned down his marriage proposal, Mr. X hired Kazuo Yamada, a Japanese mediator, to help change her mind. Yamada met with Ms. Y and asked her about her problems, and then drew up this contract and presented it to Mr. X. The couple was married shortly thereafter:
I, Mr. X, solemnly swear to Ms. Y that our relationship will adhere to the following clauses:
Mr. X will not force Ms. Y to make love.
Mr. X will not demand that Ms. Y go naked in the bedroom.
Mr. X will not summon Ms. Y from the bed.
Mr. X will not bring up Ms. Y's romantic past.
Mr. X will not use Ms. Y as his own erotic dress-up doll.
Mr. X will not act like a dirty old man.
Mr. X will help with the housekeeping.
Mr. X will keep his temper under control.
Mr. X will not refuse to meet Ms. Y's family and friends.
Mr. X will not complain about little things.
If Mr. X fails to uphold his pledge, he will unhesitatingly agree to anything Ms. Y demands.